Gratitude

Yes, this post is about gratitude.  And I'm not talking about the delicious blend at Philz Coffee that comes out every year during the holiday season, although, I'm really looking forward to it.  "Gratitude" is a word that has been on my mind a lot lately.  About a month or so ago, the CEO of my new company held a company wide town hall meeting.  As he spoke to us over Zoom through his laptop in a New York City hotel room, he briefed us on the current events and all the exciting things happening within the organization.  Then he concluded with this:  "Remember Team, it's important to be thankful for what you have, and remember about how far you've come".  I enjoyed hearing all the exciting news about my company, but those closing remarks are what I remember the most about that town hall meeting.

In mid-September, Samantha, Aidan, and I went on a cruise with my in laws.  It was a week-long adventure that departed from the port in Seattle, made three stops in Alaska, and one stop in British Columbia before returning to Seattle.  Although I take a couple of days off work here and there for long weekend trips, I hadn't had a longer vacation with a week off work for quite some time.  I can't remember the last time I had a week where I could just relax and I didn't have to be preoccupied with work.  It turned out having a week-long vacation gave me a lot of time and opportunities to express gratitude.  For me, those moments tend to come naturally when my mind is calm and I'm in a chill setting.  It's been nearly twenty years since my mother's death.  For those who don't know the story, she struggled with alcoholism for quite some time and died during my teenage years.  It was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with.  It's been a roller coaster of experiences since then, but the biggest takeaway I had was this:  don't take shit for granted, and be grateful for what you have.  My life is far from perfect, but I have so much to be grateful for.  Taking the time during our vacation to remind myself of everything good I have in my life was just what I needed in my otherwise fast paced reality. 

One of those moments was when we were in Seattle.  We were staying in a hotel in the downtown area the night before we were supposed to board the cruise ship and head for Alaska.  I woke up early and walked to a local coffee shop down the street.  It was a small joint with only a couple of tables inside.  The barista wore thick glasses and gave off a friendly, but also a kind of reserved vibe.  Grunge music played on the coffee shop stereo, and the coffee was piping hot and delicious.  Outside, the temperature was chilly and the sky was grey and overcast.  In other words, the whole experience felt very "Seattle" to me.  As I sipped my coffee, I took a twenty-minute or so walk through the surrounding neighborhood.  It was one of those moments where everything just seemed super chill, and I naturally thought about all the things that I was grateful for.

The trip was a success.  It was my first time going on a cruise, and our first time on a proper vacation with Aidan.  Of course that made it different from when we traveled without a kid, but we just rolled with it and had a good time.  We had stops in Skagway, Ketchikan, and Victoria.  Unfortunately, we had to bypass our scheduled stop in Juneau due to there being a dangerous storm in the area.  I enjoyed our on-shore adventures, but being on the cruise ship and just hanging out was very rejuvenating for me.  I loved going up on the top deck of the ship, sipping some hot coffee, and just looking out over the ocean.  The surrounding scenery varied depending on where we were.  Some of the time, all I could see was ocean in every direction as far out as the horizon would go.  Other times, some distant mountains and land were visible.  There was a mini-golf course on the top deck of the ship, which Aidan and I visited every day.  Having that time to not have to think about anything and just play mini-golf with Aidan or sip coffee and look out over the ocean was another opportunity to reflect on how far I've come.  Sometimes the simplest things in life bring the most gratitude.        

Samantha and I love Aidan to pieces, but when we have quiet time when he's either asleep or not with us, it gives us time to just chill and think about what we have to be grateful for.  One evening, when we were docked in Ketchikan, my in-laws were kind enough to watch Aidan for a few hours while Samantha and I went on-shore and into town for dinner.  We chatted with some locals and found a great restaurant with super cool servers, and delicious Alaskan crab.  It was the best crab I had ever tasted.  Another stretch of time when things were so nice and chill that we could just reflect on life.  We were grateful for the experience.  

Since returning from our trip, I've made a genuine effort to create more time to express gratitude and reflect on my life journey.  It doesn't necessarily have to be when I'm on vacation.  I have plenty of time during the day when I'm alone.  In the shower, driving to and from work, my morning run, etc.  Expressing gratitude while I'm in the shower has been my thing lately.  It really just makes the rest of my day better all around.  I'm a morning person, and I like to use my mornings to have quiet time and go for a nice run.  Expressing gratitude while in the shower has been a nice addition to my morning routine.  Life is cool and exciting, but let's face it, today's world is busy and full of noise.  It's very easy to get overstimulated.  Stepping back, expressing gratitude, being thankful for all we've been through and how far we've come is exactly what I think the world needs.  It's certainly been beneficial to me.  If we stop and think, there really are a lot of good things in the world.  Sometimes we just need to slow things down in order to find them. 

When Life Comes At You Fast, Run An Ultra

Change is unavoidable in life.  It can be a great thing because change often means moving forward.  It means it's time to move on to the next chapter in life and become a better version of ourselves.  But change can also be hard because it can be overwhelming.  When things change abruptly, it can take a big psychological toll on us.  Our brains use a lot of energy to adapt to a new routine which can leave us exhausted and drained.  Even for people who embrace change, it can be a lot to handle.  People cope with change in different ways, often by doing things that relax them.  This is why I believe it's important to have hobbies.  We all need something we enjoy doing as a way of hitting the psychological reset button and decluttering our minds.  With the changes that have been going on in my life lately, I thought what better way to clear my mind then to run a 50K ultramarathon?

Noble Canyon 50K start

In the early morning hours of September 6th, 2025, I found myself driving down the 5 freeway to the start line of the Noble Canyon 50K.  The race takes place in the town of Pine Valley, about an hour east of San Diego in the Cuyamaca Mountains.  I had just passed through San Clemente, and I was enjoying the tranquility of the quiet, dark freeway, with the Pacific Ocean to my right, and the foothills of the Santa Ana Mountains to my left.  I always enjoy the car rides to ultramarathon start lines.  The ride there is quiet and calm, while the ride home is often more rambunctious with music playing in the car and a lot of reflecting on how the day went.  I stopped at a remote 7-Eleven store for a second cup of coffee and a package of Pop Tarts for pre-race fuel before arriving at the start area shortly before sunrise.  It was a good day out on the course.  I reflected a lot on the last couple of months and unloaded a lot of thoughts on the trail that had been taking up too much space in my mind.  More on that in a little while, but I got what I wanted out of this race:  a finish, and a chance to declutter my mind.  But I got more than just that, because every ultramarathon has a story.  The course was beautiful and was mostly on single track trails.  This race had a little bit of everything in terms of scenery:  A little alpine forest, a little high desert, some small ponds, and lots of great views.  The weather in this area of California can get quite hot at this time of the year.  Fortunately, on this day, it was warm but not sweltering.  Most of the runners were from the San Diego area, but I met one guy who was from the Chicago suburbs.  He was in Southern California for a work conference, and we traded stories about living in Chicago.  Those were some pretty fun years of my life.  I found myself reflecting on some of those memories as I continued along after we parted ways at an aid station.  

Approaching the halfway point

At around mile twenty-one, I came up behind a runner who was standing still in the middle of the trail.  I asked him if everything was okay, and he just laughed and said "dude, this fucking snake will not move".  I looked, and sure enough, there was a small rattlesnake coiled up right in the middle of the trail about six feet in front of us.  Rattlesnakes normally avoid humans as much as possible, and with two-hundred runners out there, I was surprised he was just hanging out in an open area like that.  I grabbed a small rock off the trailside and tossed it in the snake's direction.  The goal was not to hit the snake, but to get his attention.  It usually works and they slither off the trail shortly afterwards.  But this guy wasn't moving.  "I tried everything man, he just doesn't want to move" the other guy said.  It seems silly for two grown men to be standing on a trail, too scared to run past a snake, but trust me, it's not a good ideal to screw around with rattlers.  They normally only bite if they feel like they need to, but we don't know what they're thinking.  Not only do their bites hurt like hell, but the venom that they release into your system can produce short term symptoms such as swelling, nausea, dizziness, and other fun symptoms.  And if bites are left untreated with antivenom, you could risk doing long term damage to your body.  I tried tossing one more small rock towards the snake, but he was unphased.  He just looked at us as if to say "is that all you got?".  Within a few minutes, another runner came up, and then a fourth one.  The fourth guy had an idea that none of us thought to try.  "Hey bro, let me borrow your trekking poles real fast" he said to the first guy.  He took the trekking poles, reached forward, and picked the snake up off the trail, like two giant chop sticks picking up a giant chow mein noodle.  The snake protested instantly.  He hissed and rattled as he was forced to the trailside.  Even though we knew it wouldn't do any good, we apologized to the snake.  "Sorry buddy" we all said.  "We know this is your home, but you gotta move".  After the runner released him into the brush with the trekking poles, he slithered away passive aggressively and rattled some more just to drive his point home.  He may have been pissed, but he didn't get hurt and neither did any of us.  

Big smiles while approaching the finish line

After that brief although entertaining episode, the course was mostly downhill to the finish line.  I was feeling pretty good up about around mile twenty-six.  At that point, the course because steeper and more technical.  Going downhill is usually a good thing during races, however when the downhill is steep with rocks and tree roots cluttering the trail, downhill isn't so good.  Every step required heightened concentration to avoid tripping and falling.  Just when it seemed like the trail would never end, it finally deposited me onto a remote paved road, which I followed for a mile-and-a-half to the finish line.  I rallied along, and crossed the finish in seven hours and forty-eight minutes.  It certainly wasn't one of my faster 50Ks, but every finish is worth celebrating.  I had some pretty painful muscle cramping afterwards, but after a post race beer and some stretching, my muscles slowly stopped tying themselves in knots.  No amount of cramping could erase the journey I went on that day.  I may have had cramped muscles and been covered in dry sweat, but my mind was at peace.  Thirty-one miles, and almost eight hours on the trail had left me feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.  That morning before the race, I had a lot on my mind.  I arrived home that day ready to spend the rest of the weekend with my family and tackle my second week of work at my new job.  As long as I can run, I will use it to mellow things out when my brain is ready to go kablooey.  When life comes at you fast, run an ultra.  Everything will make sense afterwards!