"Sorry, we have closed. Please visit our location on Stevens Creek Blvd. in San Jose". That's what the handwritten sign on the door read when I parked in front of Supercuts on El Camino Real in Santa Clara, California last Monday evening. "Okay, fine" I said to myself with a hint of annoyance. When I arrived at the Stevens Creek Blvd. location I shut my car off, put my mask on, and I was just about to exit my car when I saw two hair stylists walk out the front door and lock it behind them. I looked up and the "Open" sign was no longer lit up. I glanced at the clock on my dashboard, which read 7:14 PM. "What the hell, I thought they closed at 9 PM on week nights" I thought. After checking online, it did say that their hours were indeed 9 AM until 7 PM. They apparently shifted their hours during the pandemic. I guess I would be going back home with a mop of hair still on my head, at least for today. As I drove home I grew increasingly annoyed as the three remaining boxes of junk left to move into my new apartment shuffled around in the back of my car every time I turned. By the time I arrived home I'd had it. "This is bullshit. I can't keep living like this" I muttered angrily to myself as I walked down the hallway.
Okay, you're probably wondering what in the hell is wrong with me, and why I blew an emotional gasket over simply not being able to get a haircut. When I said I couldn't keep "living this way" I didn't mean with a head full of shaggy, overgrown hair. I was throwing a hissy fit because the last three weeks had been overwhelming and stressful, which meant I was completely out of my normal routine. My sleeping and eating schedules were inconsistent, I wasn't running very much, I hadn't done any fitness training, and there had been no structure or consistency in my life. Between recovering from Canyons, work being busy and demanding, Sammy and I playing tug-of-war with our new apartment leasing company due to some issues with our application, and then finally, the move and the logistical blunders that came with it, I felt like I had been living like an animal. And all I wanted was to cut my hair so I would look like a human being again! Two days later I spoke with my therapist about the ridiculousness during our weekly session, and let me tell you, after those fifty minutes were over, I immediately felt more at ease and focused on getting things back in order.
I made the decision to seek therapy at thirty-one years old after a series of devastating events occurred in my life. It took my mother passing away when I was a teenager, my dog dying in a tragic accident, my marriage not working out, and a few other bad experiences for me to finally say "gee, maybe this isn't just bad luck, maybe I need some help. Maybe I need to change my behavior and the way I think". It was hands down, one of the best decisions I ever made. Over the last three years, I've become calmer, less anxious, more self-aware, and less scared of the future. I've learned that living in the present is what matters the most. I've learned how much of a difference it makes by just talking to someone about how I'm feeling and having them listen and give their thoughts as a third party. It's allowed me to discover things about myself that I never knew, to the point where I can explain the reasons for almost every type of behavior I exhibit. Understanding myself is a great feeling and it helps in a number of different ways. First off, it helps me express these very thoughts you're reading in a free and honest manner, and it also allows me to understand what type of behavior is right and wrong. I've learned that everyone has a past. Everyone has struggled in one way or another in life, whether you were raised in the hood and joined a gang, or if you came from a wealthy background in the suburbs. We could all use our negative experiences or our childhood traumas as an excuse to legitimize toxic and destructive behavior, and unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who do just that. But we can't. It's not good for ourselves, and it's not good for the people around us. Imagine where our society would be if everyone used their past as a way to justify their wrongdoings. That is where the importance of mental health comes into play. That's why we have therapists, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. It's important for us to use these resources to try to work through the issues of our past, cope with our hardships, and try our best to be good and positive adults in society. Everyone has a song and dance, and therefore, dare I say it, I believe that everyone, the whole world, could use a little therapy.
May is mental health awareness month, and I hope that sharing this little excerpt of my life will raise awareness and inspire people who suffer from poor mental health to get the help they need and deserve. In 2021 the importance of mental health is more widely accepted than it's ever been and it's easier than ever to get help. It's never too late either, it doesn't matter if you're in your twenties or your seventies. I want to thank all of the people out there who work in mental health services for what they do because our society would be a complete dumpster fire if it weren't for these folks tireless doing their jobs everyday. Side note, I'm happy to say that things are back to "normal" now in terms of my routine, i.e. the way they were about a month ago before it all got temporarily dropkicked off a bridge, like Baxter in the movie "Anchorman". I credit a lot of that to the fact that I was simply able to vent about it to my therapist, let it all out, and let her provide her feedback. Happy May, and Happy Mental Health Awareness month!
No comments:
Post a Comment