The sun shined brightly, the sky was blue, and the colors of
the trees and plants were vibrant as I ran down the winding trail. I began earlier that morning at the Sam
Merrill trailhead in Altadena, ran up the trail towards Echo Mountain,
proceeded through Castle Canyon, stopped at Inspiration Point for a quick
break, and was now on the return trip back down to Lake Street. It was a beautiful Saturday morning in the
San Gabriel Foothills.
These weekend morning trail runs have become the norm for
me. There is nothing more exciting than
waking up before dawn and embarking on a trail running adventure through the
hills. Due to my hectic schedule, my
weekday mornings consist of running along the bike path on Exposition or on the
trail at the Baldwin Hills Scenic overlook before taking a shower and heading
to work. While these routes are not
particularly long in distance, they are enough to provide a daily dose of
adventure and leave me feeling accomplished, energized, and relaxed, ready to start
my workday.
My music choice for today’s run was Motley Crue, my favorite
band and the soundtrack to all my adventures.
The song “Without You” began playing as I came around a corner in the
trail. Although a love song and power
ballad, it often triggers thoughts of influential people in my life that have
since passed away, especially my mother, who died 11 years ago. It’s a great song but I often skip over it
while running, preferring to run to songs with a faster tempo. But this time I decided to just listen and
let the thoughts trickle in.
On Christmas Eve 2015, Janet and I brought home Bear. A four pound, three-month-old Pomeranian, he
was the newest addition to our family and our first dog. From the very beginning he was energetic,
playful and loyal and we instantly fell in love with him. Over the course of the next year and three
months, we took him on several adventures including Mexico, Sequoia National
Park, Whitney Portal, Big Bear, Death Valley, Mammoth, Malibu and several
others. He also ran, hiked and kayaked
with us enjoying every minute of all of it.
He was the perfect pooch and brought so much happiness to our lives. Then one Friday night, I laid down to go to
bed after what had been one of the worst days of my life. Earlier that day Bear had gotten loose and
was hit by a car and killed. It was two
days before our wedding. The blow to my
wife and I was huge and beyond brutal.
We were completely devastated.
One moment, he was a healthy, happy, vibrant young dog the next, he was
gone. It happened so fast. The rest of that day was spent mourning and
comforting each other as best as we could.
Fortunately, we were able to put our grieving aside for a couple of days
and enjoy our wedding and the festivities with all of our friends and family. The wedding was fantastic and the happiest
day of our lives but it soon ended, our guests returned to their respective
hometowns and Janet and I were again alone, reverting back into a state of
despair. It felt as though our family
was ruined and we would never be happy again.
As time went by, things got easier and eventually the feelings of sadness
and anger began to dissipate and I adopted a new mentality; even though Bear
was physically gone, he was still with us in spirit all day, every day. Now he could watch over us with my mom and
take care of us just like we took care of him.
It was a comforting feeling and we realized that life goes on. We soon brought home our second dog, Brady, a
three-month-old Pomeranian mix. While no
two dogs are exactly the same, the similarities between him and Bear were
undeniable. With another energetic puppy
running around, a sense of joy and happiness was restored in our household and
our relationship with Brady has since flourished. As much as I love Brady, I still think about
Bear all the time. Whether it’s laughing
about his silly quirks or reminiscing on a trip we took, not a day goes by
where he doesn’t enter my thoughts. He
was the original pooch and no dog will every truly replace him.
Many things, most often a song I’m listening to, can trigger
thoughts of Bear, my mother and other deceased family members and friends while
I’m running alone. This particular
instance mostly brought on memories of Bear due to his recent passing. I began
to smile. “Run with me Bear!” I said out
loud “Run with me!”. Of course, he
wasn’t physically there but his spiritual presence was steadfast. My mind wandered and I began thinking of
other people, most notably my Mom. Her
spiritual presence was also felt and I knew she was giving me a push to help me
run faster and stronger. These feelings
carried me pleasantly as the song played on.
By the time the song picked up around the three-minute mark, I could now
feel not only my Mom, but my grandparents, cousin Doug, Great Uncle Bill, and
all the other deceased people who had a positive impact on my life running with
me giving me a push with Bear leading the pack, running in front of me happily,
looking back every few seconds to make sure I was still coming. The moment was euphoric and my pace quickened
as I shed a few tears of joy out there alone on the trail. As the song ended, the moment passed and
“Same ol’ Situation” began playing jolting me back into rock and roll
mode.
These profound moments are part of reason why I love solo
running. I may be alone but I know that
I am never truly running alone. It’s
only fitting that Bear died doing what he loved to do (running around like a
maniac) and he will always run in front of me in spirit just like he did in
life. There is a line in “Without You”
that goes “I could face a mountain, but I could never climb alone”. These words ring true in so many ways. I know, without a doubt, that I could never
run the way I do without the spiritual presence of my loved ones. They are always running with me; their presence
is just subtler at certain times than others.
So, to all who run with me in sprit: I can’t thank you enough for your
guidance and encouragement. Without you by my side I would never be able to
make it. I love you all. And Bear, run free up there, buddy! Where the trail never ends and no leashes are
needed.
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