Montara Moments

A lot of people ask me what I think about while I'm running an ultramarathon.  It's a perfectly valid question, considering these races are often held in the wilderness where runners go several hours with limited human contact while running on desolate trails in hopes of reaching the finish line.  The answer is surprisingly simple, but extremely bland; I think about a lot of things.  I often reflect on past experiences, what the future may hold, and whatever is going on in my life at that particular moment.  Additionally, I often have good conversations with people I meet along the way.  During and after our encounter,  I'll often reflect on what we talked about and how they've inspired me.  I did a lot of thinking during the Montara Mountain 50K.  With all of the changes in my life coupled with the fact that this race was my first ultramarathon since living in Silicon Valley, there was a lot of self reflection happening throughout this race. 

It started with a 3.8-mile 2,000 climb to the summit of Montara Mountain.  Once I reached the peak, I grabbed a rubber band out of the bag and wrapped it around my wrist, indicating that I had reached the turnaround point and headed back down the trail.  I soon caught up with a gentleman who looked to be about fifty with a rugged, ultrarunner type look.  He had a nice pace going, so we ran together for a while, keeping up constant chatter.  He was Alexander, originally from Russia and was now residing in Staten Island, New York.  This was a Sunday, and he had flown in the night before for a business meeting he had on Monday morning, and would be flying back to New York on Tuesday morning.  He explained that he had signed up for the race only a few days prior and said that he "wanted to catch a nice trail run while traveling to California on business".  How rad is that? To me, that was the coolest thing in the world.  Anytime I travel somewhere, even if it's only for a short period of time, I always do some exploring and I try to get acquainted with wherever I am.  The more aware we are of our surroundings the deeper of a connection we form with where we are.  And to me, the deepness of the connection we have with our surroundings directly correlates with our happiness level.  Alexander obviously understood this sentiment.  I knew that he was going to walk into that business meeting the next morning with more determination and motivation after experiencing thirty-one miles of beautiful California coastal trails.

Eventually, Alexander slowed his pace during a rugged downhill section, and we parted ways.  I soon caught up with another man who also had a good pace going as I followed him down the single track trail.  His name was Daniel, he was retired, sixty-seven years old, and from Cupertino.  As we chatted, I asked him how long he had been doing trail runs.  "Oh, around forty years" he replied casually.  "Wow!" I exclaimed.  "That's so awesome".  He told me about how when he retired, he and his wife spent two years traveling all over the world and how he had just spent a weekend with his twenty-eight year old son and his friends in the Grand Canyon.  I had just met this guy, but I already admired him for not only the fact that he was running a challenging trail race at sixty-seven years old and that he had been trail running for forty years, but also for his sense of adventure and the fact that his son wanted him around during a weekend get together with his friends.  It speaks volumes of the respect and admiration that his son has for him.  I remember thinking that Daniel was everything I hoped that I could be by the time I reached sixty-seven.  He ended up giving me his contact information and we later connected through email and talked about running. 

By the time I hit the twenty mile mark I was on my way up a thousand foot climb along the Hazlenut trail when my mind drifted towards my childhood.  I was battling through a mental low and in an effort to restore order, I tried to remember why I was here.  My childhood has a lot to do with why I do what I do.  I've always enjoyed the outdoors.  My dad and I were members of a local community organization during my youth called "Indian Guides".  Essentially, it was a group of young boys around my age with our dads.  We'd have movie nights at each other's houses every two weeks, and once a month we'd go on a weekend trip to the wilderness where we'd sled and cross country ski in the winter and hike and swim in the summer.  The twelve of us would be packed in a cabin in the woods, and at night, when our dads thought we were sleeping, we'd be lying in our bunk beds in the dark telling stories until we fell asleep.  Meanwhile, our dads were downstairs in the living room probably throwing down a few brewskis and swapping stories about us that would surely embarrass the hell out of us if we knew what they saying; all we could hear was the muffled sound of their voices through the wall.  During my teenage years, I would also accompany my dad and our family friends on multi-day sailing trips from Lake St. Clair near Detroit up the St. Clair river, and all the way to the northern tip of Michigan's lower peninsula, then back.  I'll never forget sitting in the outside cockpit of the boat in the middle of the night, staring up at the shining stars while out in the middle of the lake.  It was pure darkness all around us with the exception of the flashing lights from the lighthouses on the distant shore of from the occasional passing boat or cargo freighter.  When it was just my dad and I in the cockpit and everyone else was down below asleep, we'd hang out together and have those meaningful dad/son conversations that we always hear about.  As an adult, I feel the same sense of connection with the trails, mountains and nature that I felt during those trips to the wilderness and during those multi-day sailing trips.  There was something very pure and serene about the experience.  The intense level of excitement that I feel whenever I have an upcoming ultra, hike, or some kind of epic adventure mirrors the exact same sense of excitement I felt in my youth during the days leading up to a weekend adventure with the Indian Guides, a ski trip with our family friends, or a multi-day sailing trip on the lake.  Those trips ignited a spark of adventure in my mind as a kid, and now as an adult, I had turned that spark into a raging fire that is fueled by adventure.

As I continued climbing up this beast of a climb, I took my phone out and dialed my dad.  When he answered, I said "Hey dad, look; I'm twenty miles into a 50K race, and I just wanted to call you and say thanks for getting me outside and taking me on all those trips with the Indian Guides and all of those overnight sailing trips when I was growing up.  If you hadn't done that, I don't think I'd be doing this right now".  There was a brief silence.  Clearly, my dad wasn't expecting this call and I had caught him by surprise.  After the pause there was laughter.  "No problem" he said.  "Keep charging out there and call me when you're finished".  You're probably wondering why on earth I had called my dad to thank him two thirds of the way through a 50K trail race.  When crushing through a mental low and enduring intense pain, which happens multiple times during an ultra, the functionality of the mind is altered.  Every thought and emotion passes through the brain with a drastically higher level of intensity than it would under normal circumstances.  The physical pain and intensified thoughts create a strong sense of "living in the moment" and thus, a sense of urgency is conceived with the message of "do it now, because tomorrow may be too late."  It is for this reason that many ultrarunners will say that running an ultramarathon is a great way to live in the moment, and that they feel the most alive when they are suffering the most.

The rest of the race was pleasantly painful.  After I got to the top of the hill on the second loop I ran the last two miles down the trail and on to the finish.  After collecting my finishers medal and washing some snacks down with a Coke, I staggered back to my car and called my dad to tell him how the rest of the race went.  These are the kind of thoughts that drift through my mind during a trail ultra.  Every experience I have, and all the people I meet inspire me in one way or another.  Alexander and Daniel are just two examples of the countless inspiring people that I've met at trail races, and the story about my childhood is just one of the many thoughts that I reflect on while partaking in these races.  I look forward to these moments just as much as every other part of the race, and I believe it helps me to better understand life and helps me put things into perspective.  I hopefully have many years of ultrarunning ahead of me and can't wait to see what future experiences I'll have on the trails!  

My Observance of International Women's Day

If there is any holiday out there that deserves more recognition in the United States, it's International Women's Day.  Originally conceived in Soviet Russia in 1917 and adopted by the United Nations in 1975, the holiday is held on March 8th ever year and is viewed by many as a day to celebrate the significance and history of women's rights.  I think of it as a day of observance for all the women that have had a positive impact on my life and have inspired me in one way or another.

Growing up with a mom, a sister, two grandmas, several aunts and girl cousins, and female family friends, I can say that I'm lucky to have had a lot of great women in my life.  My mother, who passed away when I was a teenager, deserves her own blog post about the countless ways she inspired me, but unlike an ultramarathon, I'll make this short and sweet.  My mother encouraged me to be unique, open minded, and to not take life too seriously.  As is the case with many Irish-Catholic moms, she loved to hug, laugh, and have a good time, but didn't hesitate to throw down the guilt trip or give me an earful when I was out of line.  She was always the happiest when she was in the company of my three aunts, especially during holidays.  Like my mom, my aunts always encouraged me to do what made me happy and follow my passions.  Sure, there's been the occasional instance where they've questioned some of the decisions I've made, but I know it all comes from love and their protective nature.  Although I didn't spend much time with my aunts on my dad's side until my adult years due to geographical inconveniences, they've inspired me to fight back when life punches me in the gut.  Between the three of them, they've battled the hardship of tragically losing a teenage son in a car accident, progressed through weight loss and living a healthier lifestyle, recovered from breast cancer, and managed a thriving dental practice for over thirty years.  After all they've been through, they've still managed to stay strong and maintain a positive outlook on life.  My sister and I, though we occasionally fought as kids, have always been close.  She helped a lot throughout my teen years by giving me advice on hair styles, fashion, and what girls like and don't like.  I gave her and her friends rides to and from school once I started driving and we would share laughs and tell each other things that we were too scared to tell our mom and dad just to get it off our chest.  We grew even closer after our mom passed away, and today she is an extremely talented artist.  Her artwork and the projects she creates for her product design classes never cease to amaze me.  My mom's best friends from college, whom I affectionately refer to as Aunt Gina and Aunt Cheryl have been highly influential in introducing me to the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle and spending time outdoors.  I spent ample amounts of time with them as a kid, with most of our interactions involving sailing on lake St. Clair and vacationing in Northern Michigan during the summer and doing snow sports in the winter.  Even though my former wife and I are no longer together, I will forever be grateful for everything she taught me.  I'm still learning of course, but I came out of it a wiser man, if anything.

In addition to family,  I've drawn inspiration from several female athletes, musicians, and public figures throughout my life.  Cheryl Strayed, Amy Winehouse, Pam Reed, and Ann Trason, to name a few, however I'd have to say that Catra Corbett has had a more substantial influence on my life than any other female athlete.  She has battled her way through drug addiction, overcome an eating disorder, and has pushed through hard times with failed relationships.  She is now a vegan runner who has completed over 250 ultramarathons, is a dog lover, and over all, just a total badass.  The experience of meeting her in person at Ragnar Los Coyotes and getting an autographed copy of her memoir really touched me on a personal level.  My favorite thing about her is her unique style.  During her years as a drug addict, she frequented goth nigh clubs and wore black clothing and make up.  As part of her transformation from a drug addicted goth to a vegan ultramarathon runner, she has undergone a complete shift in her clothing style by sporting bright and flashy colored running skirts, socks and shirts while running and dying her hair bright colors.  She does what she loves and is not shy about who she is.  In a way, she reminds me a lot of the women in my family who encouraged me to be unique and be proud of who I am.

In conclusion, I want to say thank you and give a big hug to every woman in my life who has influenced me in a positive way.  My hope is that International Women's Day will continue to gain exposure and observance in the United States as the years go by, and that more men will adopt the same sentiment that I have towards this holiday.  And to all the women out there who are doing great things, keep kicking ass!