Sunday, April 26, 2020

The Mountain View Quarantine 50K

The mid morning weather was turning quite warm as I hobbled along the narrow paved path.  Several hours had passed since I began my journey and there were now plenty of folks out and about.  I was trying to repress my fatigue by closing my eyes and taking deep, slow breaths, which seemed to help a little.  I think the oncoming walkers, runners, and cyclists who were the more observant type could tell that I was a hot mess.  I soon recognized a familiar face; one of my former colleagues from Wag running with his dog.  "Nate!" I called out.  Once he noticed me he removed his ear buds and said hey.  "how're you doing, man?" he asked.  I paused for a second.  "Dude, I'm getting my ass kicked.  I'm twenty-nine miles into a 50K" I answered back with a burst of psychotic laughter.  That response was about as close to the truth as I could have possibly gotten in that moment.

The rooster alarm on my cell phone went off at 2:30 AM that morning.  "Rise and shine" I said out loud as I stood up and rubbed my eyes.  As I continued waking up, I began preparations for what would be my second ultramarathon in 2020, but in a slightly different format than what I was used to doing.  My plan was to tackle fifty kilometers (thirty-one miles) by myself along a course that I created on my own.  Under normal circumstances I would have been waking up in a motel room in Auburn on this morning to run Canyons 100K, for which I had signed up.  Unfortunately, because of COVID-19,  the race directors had no choice but to cancel the race with no possibility of rescheduling.  Doing this solo ultra was my attempt at capturing the same feelings of excitement and adventure that Canyons would have brought on.  100 Kilometers is a long way to run when you're on your own, so I opted to do a 50K distance instead.  I don't like running with a pack and I try to avoid it whenever possible, but since this run was going to be self supported, I decided it was the best option.  I gathered my gear, drank some cold brew coffee for energy, filled my hydration pack with a couple of quarts of Gatorade, put on my Vibrams, and threw my pack on, ready to hit the road.  When I stepped outside, the middle-of-the-night air was calm and quiet.  I felt as if I were waking up the entire complex when I shut the door to my apartment behind me.  It was just after 3:30 AM  when I began running, making my way through my neighborhood towards Evelyn Avenue.  The course that I designed would take me through parts of Sunnyvale and Mountain View.  I considered doing this run on the same course that Canyons would have been held on, or elsewhere, but I had traveled out of Silicon Valley the last several weekends to ride my bike and go back country snowboarding, so I decided to stick to my local stomping ground this time instead.  Plus, I wasn't even sure if the Western States trail was open to hikers or runners at the moment.  The only vehicles that passed me as I ran along Evelyn Avenue were two police SUVs, and I soon arrived at the junction where pedestrians and cyclists can enter the Stevens Creek Trail from Evelyn.  Most of the route would be along this trail and on the Bay Trail, which lies further north along San Francisco Bay.  A local hot spot for runners, walkers, and cyclists, the Stevens Creek Trail starts at the intersection of Dale Avenue and Heatherstone Way in Sunnyvale, and weaves through nature oriented areas of Mountain View all the way to San Francisco Bay, with several entrances and exits via neighborhood streets along the way.  The trail quickly became very dark as the street lights from Evelyn Avenue disappeared behind me.  I wore a headlamp and carried a flashlight, and as expected,  I didn't see a single person as I ran south towards Sunnyvale.  Why did I begin this run in the middle of the night you might ask?  I could talk and write about this topic endlessly, but the short version is even though I often run during the day like most people, I love running in the dark.  It's an entirely different experience.  Everything is more calm and peaceful when the rest of the world is sleeping, and yet it's also a little scary because of that fear of the dark that everyone has in the back of their minds.  As strange as this sounds, I enjoy being a little scared by running in the dark.  It makes things more exciting.  And if I have the right music going in my headphones, that adds to the experience.  That, combined with the fact that I would largely be avoiding the warm day time weather that the San Francisco Bay Area has been experiencing, and practicing safer social distancing due to less people, starting in the middle of the night seemed to be a more favorable option.

Upon reaching the southern terminus of the trail in Sunnyvale, I turned around and headed north towards the bay.  The trail remained quiet as I ran through a clearing a few hundred feet from the 85 freeway with trees and shrubs lining the path.  In the distance I could see the tunnel that passes under El Camino Real, which was substantially lit up.  Running into that tunnel from the dark trail was like entering a spaceship.  Over the next several miles I crossed a couple of bridges over roads and continued weaving through trees and shrubs.  In the distance ahead of me, a guy emerged in the beam of my flashlight out of nowhere.  As I got closer I realized he was coming towards me on the opposite side of the path, so I pointed my flashlight towards the ground to avoid blinding him.  He had no flashlight, no headlamp, and was fully dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans, walking casually.  I said hey as I passed and he said hey back.  The encounter was very brief and uneventful, but I wondered what he was doing out here with no lights, all alone, in the dead of night.  Was he just going for a walk? Another mind altering affect that running in the dark has on me is it makes my imagination run wild.  I wondered what would have happened if that encounter had gone differently.  What if that guy had been some angry, strung out junkie and tried to attack me?  It was the middle of the night, very dark, and there was no one else around.  If that were to happen,  my instinct would be to spit out some threats that would hopefully make him back off.  And if that didn't work? Well, I guess I would have to just kick his ass.  It wasn't long before I passed by the La Avenida Street entrance to the trail.  This is where my friends and I enter the trail when we go for group runs on Sunday mornings.  Those group runs are temporarily suspended, and although we've been keeping in touch through Zoom and video chat,  I hadn't seen any of my friends in person since quarantine began six weeks prior.  I thought about how much I missed everyone and how cool it was that my friends were making the best of quarantine by accomplishing other feats that were similar to what I was doing.  My friend Scott, who planned to run the Silicon Valley Half Marathon in early April as his first half, decided to do his own half marathon in wake of the race being postponed.  He ran his own 13.1 mile course on the same day the race would have happened through chilly and rainy weather.  My other buddy Stephan was supposed to run the Marin Ultra Challenge 50K in mid March, which would have been his first ever ultra.  The sanctioned race was canceled, but that didn't stop him from running the course by himself and completing his first unofficial ultra with the help of his girlfriend Julie, acting as the sole member of his support crew.  My friend Samantha (or Sammy as we call her), who has her own dog walking and pet sitting business, has been taking advantage of the increased amount of free time she has due to lower volume of business by devising and implementing creative ways to evolve her business.  Ellen, a certified running coach, and one of the leaders of the local running group that we all belong to, has been offering several options to us as a way of staying engaged during quarantine, which involves virtual cardio boot camp and foam rolling classes, as well as promoting our friend Annie, who teaches virtual yoga.  Several of my friends have also been participating in various work out challenges that involve doing ungodly amounts of squats and push ups.  The thought of all these people making the best of their situations during these uncertain times was a powerful inspiration, and I felt grateful that I was surrounding myself with such positive people.

Approaching the junction where the Stevens Creek Trail ends, I crossed over a bridge, which deposited me onto the Bay Trail which was composed of dirt and gravel.  I was dislodged from my reverie when I sensed movement up ahead in the beam of my flashlight.  I was startled, but it turned out to be only a couple of rabbits.  My buddy Andrew, who runs on this trail in the early morning hours a few times a week, advised me that I may encounter rabbits and potentially skunks.  The rabbits stood still for a moment, but when I got within about thirty feet of them, they both began running right towards me, side by side.  "Oh, you guys want to have a stand off?" I thought, jokingly.  How funny would it have been if they saw me, looked at each other, and said, in whatever form of communication that rabbits use, "okay, let's get him!".  But I think they were just running for cover, and they disappeared into the tall grass that lined both sides of the trail after a few moments.  Out in the distance, the lights along the distant shore sparkled on the water, and as I ran along the path further out into the bay, the first indications of dawn began lighting up the sky behind Mission Peak in front of me.  I always love seeing the sunrise after running in the dark, and the sun slowly continued filling the sky with bright vivid colors before eventually emerging over the top of the distant mountains.  After covering several more miles and turning around near Moffet Field Golf Club, I sat on a bench for a few minutes enjoying the sunrise while eating handfuls of trail mix from the bag that I carried in my pack.  A new day had arrived, and I was hopeful that my spirit would stay positive for the remainder of the run.  I was a little under halfway through, and the arrival of the morning sun had filled me with energy.  Backtracking the way I came on the Bay Trail, I headed in the other direction towards Mountain View Slough.  As hours passed and more miles were covered, my energy levels began to deteriorate around mile twenty-two.  I wasn't too sore, but I was exhausted.  I was once again back on the section of the trail south of Evelyn Avenue, and I flopped onto a bench and ate more trail mix, hoping some food would perk me up, even though I didn't feel hungry at all.  Unfortunately the fix was only temporary, and at mile twenty-four, I had hit the wall pretty hard as I wandered through a residential Sunnyvale neighborhood a few blocks away from the southern terminus of the Stevens Creek Trail.  It was now mid morning, and people were out and about with their dogs and kids, probably wondering who is this guy in running gear, hobbling through the neighborhood with a pack on, looking like he's been dragged through the mud.  Shortly before entering the trail again, I ran through an intersection that looked familiar.  It was my street.  The desire to cut the run short and just go home was overwhelming.  By this point, I was about a mile and a half short of a marathon's distance.  "I can just make this a self supported marathon" I told myself.  "That's still a good distance".  A marathon is very tough, and anyone who runs that distance is a bad ass, but I came out here to do a 50K, not a marathon.  I decided I must keep going.  It may not be pretty, but I knew that if I just put one foot in front of the other, I could make it the full distance.

By the time I hit mile twenty-nine back on the Stevens Creek Trail, I was completely wrecked.  My feet were sore, I was almost completely depleted of energy, and probably looked like I had been hit by a car.  I saw my old co-worker Nate running with his dog a few minutes prior, which was cool, but at this point, I was not fully coherent.  I sat down on a bench one more time, in an effort to regain my composure.  At this particular moment I longed for the hospitality of race volunteers and the aid stations that typically are present every five to seven miles during an ultra.  Sometimes just hearing the right words from someone else in moments of distress during an ultra can be game changing.  You can only tell yourself "I got this" for so long before you start questioning your own judgement.  Ellen, who we sometimes refer to as "coach", had texted me wishing me good luck around mile twenty-three.  When I thanked her, and facetiously told her that I was getting my ass kicked, she responded by reminding me that I was strong, and that I could do this, along with some virtual cheers.  I re-read her texts while sitting on the bench and suddenly I could see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Sure, there was no one here to help me in person, but she was providing me with virtual encouragement, just like she had been doing for the entire running group to keep us all engaged during quarantine.  After exiting the trail at Evelyn Avenue, I was now a little less than two miles away from being done.  Putting one foot in front of the other, I hobbled along the road in the bike lane, and with less than a half mile to go, I felt a surge of excitement and kicked it into overdrive.  I ended up finishing the 50 kilometers about a quarter of a mile from my apartment building, and I clapped my hands in celebration.  I was finally done, and I smiled as I reveled in the joy of the moment.  50Ks are always challenging, but this one really seemed to take a lot out of me.  The fact that I've been spending so much time at home during quarantine with limited movement probably played a major role in the struggle I faced.  My feet were pretty sore and I was completely exhausted, by I didn't have any cramping and my legs didn't hurt too badly, which was good.  As I walked that last quarter of a mile back home, I reflected on the journey I had just gone through, with the following conclusion.  That was awesome, but it was very tough.  And, don't ever take volunteers or aid stations for granted! 

Sunday, April 19, 2020

What do you "fall back on" to get through Dark Times?

Because we live in the real world and not a fairly tale, inevitably every person's life is plagued with negativity of some sort.  Everyone, no matter who they are or how good they appear to have it, goes through various dark times in their lives that they must endure in order to survive psychologically.  No one has a perfect life, but the level of positivity we bring into our lives to combat that negativity is what separates us from having a good life versus a miserable life.  Many people, like me, understand this sentiment, but others unfortunately don't understand.  Many of us have various forms of entertainment in our lives that we feel we can "fall back on" to make us feel better.  When I say "fall back on", what I mean is if my world as I know it has temporarily gone to shit, I know that when all else fails, I can rely on these forms of "feel good" entertainment.  All of these things make me feel good no matter what kind of mood I'm in, good or bad, but I especially find them useful during difficult times to help temporarily restore that positive energy I had in my life while I push through whatever it is that has thrown me into a psychological black hole.  Below are five entertainment categories with more detailed descriptions of things that I know I can "fall back on" to feel at ease when times get tough.

1. Music

Music has always played a role in every aspect of my life.  Sometimes I listen to music while I'm working, I listen to music when I run alone, while I write, and while I'm driving in the car for long distances.  Music is everything to me and it plays a huge role in relieving stress and coping with hardships.  My taste in music varies widely across many genres.  There are musicians I can't get enough of and others I can't stand.  There are several songs that I can fall back on, but when worse comes to worst, I know that I can never go wrong with Motley Crue or Limp Bizkit's music.  If I'm in a dark place, all I need is to hear a song by either of these two bands and I immediately feel more relaxed.  Anytime I hear a Motley song I immediately think of mountains, wilderness, trails, snow, beaches, water, my friends, the people I love, and so much more.  All things that make me happy.  Despite their controversies over the years and the harsh and angry nature of their music, Limp Bizkit was one of the most positive things I had in my life growing up.  Every one of their records has the perfect balance between songs of anger and aggression and songs that you can listen to and just sit back and chill.  Similar to Motley Crue, their music also reminds me of friends, nature, and outdoor wilderness and endurance sports, particularly snow sports.  Due to the tone of their music, I often connect Limp Bizkit's songs with memories and stories, past and present, of hiking, running ultras, and doing snow sports in the dark during the dead of night, when things are calm and also a little more scary, so to speak.  It's all very exciting to me.  No matter how I'm feeling psychologically, these two bands have always come through for me, and I know I can always count on them.



2. Books

I love to read.  It's so much more enlightening than TV because I can use my imagination and let my mind wander.  Most of what I read is memoirs by ultrarunners, musicians, business men and women, basically anyone who I find interesting.  There is one author whose books I feel I can always fall back on.  That is Dean Karnazes.  His debut book that came out in 2005, "Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner" is arguably my favorite book of all time.  I particularly enjoy the sections of the book that contain his detailed account of running his first Western States 100 in 1994 along with his wild stories of running a marathon to the South Pole in Antarctica.  This book, along with one of his others titled "Run! 26.2 Stories of Blisters and Bliss" which is a collection of short stories about his adventures, immediately put my mind at ease.  Those two books are what introduced me to the whole ultrarunning world and inspired me to start writing about my own adventures.  There are many books by many authors that I love and have read more than once, but out of all of them, I know I can always rely on these two when all else fails.

3. Movies

As is the case with music, my taste varies widely.  I love slapstick comedy movies like "Step Brothers", romantic comedies like "Meet the Parents" crime movies like "Goodfellas" drama movies like "8 Mile" raunchy comedies like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin", and so on.  There are several movies that I can fall back on, but if I had to chose my top three, they would be "Dumb and Dumber, Meatballs, and Hot Tub Time Machine".  Three movies with unique and original story lines.  These are my go-to movies when I'm feeling troubled and I know they will never disappoint no matter what mood I'm in.  What do these three movies have in common you might ask?  Their story lines all include nature and adventures in some form, two things I love.  They also have a perfect blend of lighthearted comedy, dirty jokes, and sentimental moments that grab your attention.  These movies are easy for me to connect to and they always come through for me. 

4. Podcasts

Podcasts are becoming more and more popular every day.  No matter what your interests are, you can find a podcast for just about anything.  Sports, finance, cars, fashion, whatever you may be into.  To me, that's awesome.  I love when people find something that they're especially passionate about and they want to share that passion with the community by starting a podcast or a blog.  What I think makes or breaks a podcast or a blog is how personable the hosts or writers are.  If they strictly discuss the topic that they are known for, never open up about themselves, and if it sounds like they're just reading from a script, that doesn't do it for me.  I'd much rather listen to podcasts where the hosts be themselves.  Where they talk about their lives and rather than read from a script, they discuss certain topics, but also go off on tangents.  One podcast that I love and listen to regularly is Ten Junk Miles.  Founded in March of 2015, Ten Junk Miles is a "running" podcast.  I use that term loosely because yes, it was conceived by and is hosted by ultramarathon runners, but I consider it to be as much of a comedy and autobiographical podcast as a running one.  The line up has rotated since the show's inception, but the current hosts are four friends living in Chicago, two males and two females.  I like that they have an equal number of male and female hosts because it gives listeners the opportunity to listen to view points from both perspectives.  There are two formats to the podcast.  One of them is Scott, the lead host, conducting one on one interviews with notable people in the ultrarunning scene dubbed "long run interviews".  I first discovered them when surfing the internet for Dusty Olson interviews.  I had read about him in Scott Jurek's memoir and found him interesting.  After hearing the long run interview episode in which Scott (from Ten Junk Miles, not Jurek) and Dusty talk about Dusty's life as a skier and runner and as a human being, I was excited to learn that although many stories about him in Jurek's memoir were exaggerated for entertainment value, he still maintains the "Dusty" persona that myself and so many others view as an inspiration.  The other format of the podcast consists of episodes dubbed "gang shows" during which all four hosts and often a friend of the show congregate in Scott's basement in Chicago and eat pizza, drink beer, tell stories about their races, and occasionally reflect on current events in the running world.  The gang shows are often hilarious and chock full of R rated humor, swearing, and in some of the early episodes, drunken slurring.  If I'm in a dark place, I feel like I can always listen to re-runs of my favorite episodes of Ten Junk Miles and I immediately feel better.  These guys don't talk about how fast they are, what nutrition plans they follow, how they want to set a PR in every race they do, or any of that crap.  They're regular, every day people, just being themselves.  For that reason, it makes me feel as if they're my friends, even though I've only met two of the hosts briefly at the Minnesota Voyageur 50-miler in summer of 2018.  After all, they've mentioned numerous times that the podcast was created with the intention of having people feel like they have "friends they can run with".  I don't listen to the podcast while I'm running, but one thing I know is when all else fails, I can always listen to a re-run of my favorite Ten Junk Miles episodes.       

5. Visual Art

I grew up in a family and household that was pretty art-oriented.  My sister is an artist who has done everything from painting and pottery to working with metals and jewelry, and she is currently taking classes for product design.  My dad originally went to art school when he was in his twenties and is very talented at drawing, but eventually he decided to take accounting courses to prepare him for what would be his career from the early 1980's up until now.  My parents loved art and we had several pictures on the walls of our house of sailboats, lakes, and buildings with unique styles of architecture.  My mom had several pictures and plaques with Gaelic poetry hanging in various rooms of the house.  She passed away when I was a teenager and to this day, whenever I see something with Gaelic poetry on it, I immediately think of her.  All of these pieces of art are beautiful, but what I always feel like I can fall back on are pictures or videos of wilderness, mountains, beaches, sunrises or sunsets, and snow.  I've thought about making it a daily routine to spend five minutes in the morning looking at videos and photos of these things as a form of relieving every day stress that we all experience, similar to what many people seek through meditation.  There are several accounts on Instagram that I follow for the sole purpose of seeing such photos and videos, including ultrarunners Killian Jornet and Anton Krupicka, Red Bull Snow, The North Face, and Patagonia.  I know that when I see a post on these accounts, or if I Google image searches like "Yosemite National Park", "Colorado", and "Beach Sunrise", I will immediately feel at ease, no matter what state of mind I'm in.  That is precisely why I post photos of all my outdoor adventures on social media.  Those types of posts put me in a happy place and hopefully my posts do the same for others who may not be doing so well.  It's also my way of telling the world to not be boring and get out there and do what makes you happy.  Get out there and follow your passions and live a happy, healthy life!