Sunday, July 9, 2023

Onward And Upward


Whenever I drop out of a race I try to give myself some compassion and understanding.  It's happened three times since I've started running ultramarathons, and ironically, all three of my DNFs have been the same race, just different years: The Canyons 100K in 2017, 2019, and 2023.  The first time was hard to digest.  I took it hard because it was the first time, and only my second ultra.  The last two have been easier to wrap my head around because I have more of a running resume these days.  No matter the circumstances or how many times it happens, it's important to not beat myself up over it.  After all, even elite ultramarathon runners drop out of races.  Camille Herron, who holds the world record for the fastest one-hundred mile run, dropped out of Western States this year just beyond the halfway point.  Hayden Hawks, the guy who won Western States in 2022 also dropped this year.  Brittany Peterson, another elite runner, dropped out of Canyons in 2022.  It's part of the sport.  But anyone who has DNFed a race knows the feeling of not being truly satisfied.  I don't want to speak for everyone, but even when I gave it my best effort and there were factors beyond my control, there's always that subtle gloomy feeling that I was robbed of having that magical moment of crossing the finish line and celebrating the journey.  

The days and weeks after Canyons 2023 I thought about things a lot.  Not only did I not get the satisfaction of crossing the finish line, but I was faced with the reality that I was not going to be able to enter into the Western States lottery for the second year in a row.  Sure, there was the opportunity to run another qualifier between now and November 5th, but I wouldn't be able to fit it into my schedule.  Canyons was my one and only chance and unfortunately, now Western States 2024 is off the table.  I felt that I had trained well and my head was in the right place but the brutal heat on race day brought me to a dead end at mile forty.  I thought a lot about whether or not I should continue my dream of running Western States.  The race is held in the third weekend of June every year and the thirty plus mile "canyons" section of the course typically brings temperatures in the mid to high nineties, even spiking into triple digits some years.  I thought, how the hell am I supposed to survive thirty miles of running into and climbing out of steep canyons in those kinds of temperatures when I was forced to drop out of a 100K in eighty-eight degree heat?  Maybe running Western States isn't meant to happen for me and I should focus on other races.  I run great in cold temperatures and I had an absolute blast at the St. Croix Winter Ultra in Minnesota in 2020.  Maybe instead of Western States I should try to get into some of these big time Winter ultras like the White Mountains 100 or the Arrowhead 135.  I would probably fare better at those races than the brutal heat at Western States.

These were the thoughts circulating through my head for a couple of weeks after Canyons.  I was seriously considering abandoning my dream of running Western States that I've had since 2017.  But then I started thinking about something else.  I'm not good at running in heat.  I know that and I've accepted it.  Heat is my weakness.  That being said, I have two options:  Either stick with the mindset that running in heat just isn't my thing and therefore put my attention towards other races instead of Western States.  Or I could stick with my dream of running Western States, and find ways to become better at running in heat.  That doesn't necessary mean becoming an expert at it, just finding ways to do better when getting through it.  After about a month or so of contemplating things I decided to go with the latter option and keep the Western States dream alive.  I'm sure as hell going to be heading back to Auburn for Canyons in 2024 and hopefully qualifying for Western States in 2025.  I just need to keep trying.  I still have three tickets in the hat, and even if it takes seven more years, I'll get in eventually.  And when I do get in, heat training will need to be part of the regimen.  I'll need to get creative, but I can do it.  I can find ways to cope with the heat so I can finish Western States.  And maybe it wouldn't hurt to do some Winter ultras again, those are a lot of fun.

Every time I've DNFed a race it's always made me more excited and hungry for the next one.  When I dropped out of Canyons in 2019, I ran the Bishop High Sierra 100K a month later because I wanted redemption.  I was hungry.  I feel the same way about the upcoming 50K that I'm doing on Saturday July 15th.  That would be the Great Shasta Rail Trail 50K up in McCloud, California.  I've been looking forward to this race for quite a while now.  I heard about it on Ten Junk Miles so I decided to check it out on Ultrasignup.com.  When I saw that it was originally scheduled for May 6th I thought tough break, that's right after Canyons.  But maybe next year.  But when I saw that it was postponed to July 15th because of all the snow, I decided to sign up.  The town of McCloud is located in Siskiyou County, about an hour south of the Oregon border, right near Mount Shasta.  It's a really beautiful part of California with lots of alpine forest and breathtaking mountain scenery.  The Great Shasta Rail Trail is an eighty mile path through the Shasta-Trinity National Forest that connects McCloud to the town of Burney.  It's relatively flat, well maintained, and wide, which is an ideal setting for an out and back 50K course.  With this kind of course, we get the beauty of nature without the brutality of climbing up challenging mountain trails.  

My plan is to do this race dirt bag style.  Meaning I'll be driving up to McCloud from Sunnyvale next Friday afternoon and parking my car in the area where the race starts.  I'll be sleeping in the back of my car, waking up on Saturday morning, running the race, then heading back home.  I'll be doing this trip alone without Sam and Aidan, so this seemed like the way to go.  It also makes things a little more fun and interesting.  It's also the first year the race is happening and based on what I've seen so far, it looks like there's only going to be about thirty runners.  We'll see.  But that would be cool to have a more intimate, casual race.  I'm really excited, except for one caveat:  it's going to be hot as hell on race day.  Every time I check the forecast, the friggin' temperature keeps spiking up.  As of today, six days from race day, the forecast for McCloud on race day is sunny skies with a high of 104 degrees Fahrenheit.  That's hot.  I'm not a super religious guy, but I feel like God is trying to prepare me for when I eventually do get into Western States by giving me really hot temperatures on my race days in 2023.  I still have some psychological scar tissue after the heat at Canyons this year.  The race starts at 6:45 AM and I'll do my best to take advantage of the cooler morning temperatures, but if this forecast stands, running in triple digit heat will be inevitable.  I will have no choice but to face it head on.  But it's good to confront our fears and weaknesses.  I don't want the fear of failure to hold me back.  After all, this is a relatively flat 50K, and as far as I know, there isn't a cutoff time.  Even if everything that can go wrong does go wrong, I will finish eventually.  Even if it takes me eleven hours and I'm having a puking rally, every muscle is cramping up, and I'm so pissed that I want to beat everyone up, none of that will matter if I don't have to worry about a cutoff time and I can cross the finish line.  But that's just one way this could all go.  Who knows what the experience will be like.  I can't wait to find out next Saturday.  In the meantime, speaking of heat, congratulations to all the 2023 Badwater Ultramarathon finishers!     

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