My Ten Answers To Ten Questions Runners Should Never Be Asked

Question: Did you win your race?

Answer: Yes, I win every single race I run.  That’s sarcasm. No, I didn't.  That’s not why I run.  I don’t run to win the race.  The only person I’m racing against is myself.  My goal is to perform my best and improve myself as a runner with every race I run.  And I need to be enjoying myself.  The moment I start taking it too seriously, that's when the fun disappears.  And if that happens, what's the point?  I run to relieve stress, not cause it.  I care about my time and how far I run, but I don't care about running farther and faster than other people.  My peers can do their thing, and I'll do mine.  I'm supportive of my running friends and everything they accomplish, but I don't feel the urge to try to upstage them.  Everyone has their own life and their own stuff going on.  I don’t care about being better than other people.  I’m there for the experience.

Question: Are you fast?

Answer: I don’t know.  Not really.  But maybe a little?  My typical marathon finish time is around four hours, and my typical half marathon finish time is around an hour and forty minutes.  However, life happens, and I get busy.  If I'm not running as many miles as I'd like, these times might be slower.  It's not that I don't want to be running, it's just sometimes other things like fatherhood and work take over my reality and leave me with very little energy, time, and motivation to go out and run.  It ebbs and flows, but I always find myself back out there.  When I run ultramarathons, I run anywhere from ten to nineteen-minute miles, and I’m out there all day, and into the night, sometimes.

Question: Aren't you worried that you'll have bad knees?

Answer: No.  And anyone who tells me that I’m going to have bad knees from running is probably just saying that because they’re a naysayer.  If bitter people see you doing something that makes you happy, they'll say anything they can to be a buzzkill.  I’ve run thousands of miles on pavement and trails, and my knees are fine.  It’s all about having the proper form.  Stomping down too hard, especially on pavement, can increase joint pain, so the trick is to have your steps be as light as possible to minimize impact.  Having proper footwear that fits your running style helps too.

Question: Are you still into that running thing?

Answer: Yes.  Don’t call it a “thing” like it’s just a weird phase I’m going through.  I've been running for sixteen years.  It is part of my life, my story, and my identity.  Eventually the day will come when I can no longer run.  Hopefully that will be later rather than sooner.  But I plan on making running part of my reality in one way or another for the rest of my life.

Question: How was your fifty-mile marathon?

Answer: It was good.  I thought a marathon was fifty miles long, but I found out later that it’s 26.2 miles long.  No wonder everyone was giving me a weird look when I turned around at the finish line and kept going the other way.  All sarcasm aside, a marathon is 26.2 miles.  Any other distance?  Not a marathon.

Question: Isn't it too cold to go for a run?

Answer: I ran the St. Croix Winter Ultra 40-miler through a winter night in Minnesota when the temperature was seven degrees below zero Fahrenheit.  Does that answer your question?  I run better in the cold.  You can think of me as being like a Siberian husky or a polar bear.  The colder the better if I'm outside being active.  Heat on the other hand, that's a different story.  Heat is a major obstacle for me while running.  It's forced me out of a couple of ultramarathons.  But finishing a 50K in Mount Shasta when it was 103 degrees, even if it took me eight hours, was pretty cool.

Question: Is it safe to run at your age?

Answer: Yes, it is.  Anyone at any age can run as much as they damn well please.  I've seen people in their sixties finish ultramarathons and people in their eighties and nineties finish marathons.  It's also really cool to see young kids running races and getting started young.  I'm sure it builds their confidence, just like being a skier did for me as a kid.

Question: So, if you're a runner, you must eat really healthy, right?

Answer: Is eating an entire package of Chips Ahoy! Chocolate chip cookies during a winter ultra eating healthy?  Pushing the sarcasm aside again, I don't have any strict dietary rules that I follow.  Everything in moderation.  I try to be conscious of my calories to an extent, and I make sure to include all the food groups on a regular basis.  I enjoy pineapple, avocado, apples, and a good salad.  But I equally enjoy cookies, doughnuts, and French fries.  

Question: Are you going to do the Barkley Marathons?

Answer: Yeah, it’s going to be my next ultramarathon.  St. Croix and the Tahoe Rim Trail 100 just weren’t enough.  More sarcasm.  The Barkley is in a whole category of it's own.  I've learned to never say never, but I would say it's unlikely that you'll ever find me in Frozen Head State Park waiting for Laz to light up a cigarette and start the race.

Question: If you run 100-mile races, you can probably run a marathon really fast, right?

Answer: I actually get this one a lot, so I’ll give a serious answer.  Not necessarily.  Running a 100-mile race is a completely different experience than running a road marathon.  When I run ultramarathons, sometimes I have time goals, but the ultimate goal is to finish.  When I’m out there on the trails and climbing and descending constantly, I’m not running the whole time.  There’s a lot of hiking involved.  That helps to keep my legs strong, but it doesn’t mean I can be a speed demon on flat and paved surfaces.  I usually go for right around a four-hour finish time when I run a marathon.  If I want to run faster marathons, I’ll need to start doing more speedwork.