My son, Aidan, just turned three years old a couple of weeks ago. It's hard to believe, and time sure flies, but here we are. The guy is living his best life. Any stereotype you can think of pertaining to a three-year-old boy, Aidan probably lives up to it. He's always jumping off of things, he freely expresses his feelings, he loves to smile and laugh, he seeks out adventure whenever he can, and he's constantly pushing the boundaries of what he's capable of. Even though fatherhood has its challenges, I love this kid to pieces. When he was born, I wasn't sure of what the future was going to look like. Samantha and I were both navigating through parenthood for the first time, taking it one day at a time. When you have a kid, being a mom or a dad becomes part of your identity. As parents, our kids play such a large role in our lives, it's inevitable. Being Mama or Daddy becomes part of who we are. But my personal belief is just because I became a dad, that doesn't necessarily mean that my whole identity has be Daddy. I love Aidan more than anything, but I didn't want to throw my whole identity away. I didn't want to have my life as a parent completely take over and obliterate every other aspect of my reality. I wanted to prove to myself that I could still be a runner, an outdoor enthusiast, a husband, and a solid team member at work while still being a good dad. Keeping up my physical and mental fitness was especially important to me. It took some creative planning, but I still ran pretty regularly throughout Aidan's newborn and infant stages. Although I haven't put in the same level of training as I did before Aidan was born, I've continued to run ultramarathons into fatherhood. If anything, it gives me more to think about while I'm out on the course putting one foot in front of the other.
During Samantha's pregnancy I was commuting to San Mateo a few days a week from where were living in Sunnyvale. I would listen to an audio book for expectant fathers during the car ride to and from the office. One of the things I remember the author mentioning is once babies begin walking, and eventually running, being a dad becomes more physically demanding. The author suggested that expectant dads keep up their physical fitness so they're able to run after their kid once they're mobile. He was right. I almost feel like spending dad time with Aidan can be counted towards my daily workout routine. The kid can really get around. When we were living in Sunnyvale we had a long hallway in our apartment building. Shortly after Aidan turned two years old, he and I would run together side by side down the hallway to the elevator and back. We would do that several times, and it was often difficult to get him to come back into our apartment. Since we moved down to Laguna Niguel, he's only become more active. During the fall and winter months this past year, our routine was after Aidan was finished eating dinner we'd have chase time. Aidan would come up to me and say "Aidan and Daddy chasing" with a big smile on his face. "Yep, Aidan and Daddy chasing!" I would reply. Then we would run after each other around our living room and dining room. We would occasionally add a beach ball to the equation by passing it back and forth to each other. We would tag each other and say "tag, you're it!". But let's be realistic. Daddy was always it. When the spring and summer months arrived and the sun stayed out longer, we started running side by side outside our townhouse through our neighborhood. Our new thing that we do nowadays is Aidan will ride his scooter around our neighborhood after dinner, and I'll run alongside him. Sometimes he goes a mile to a mile-and-a-half. It's a really fun way to spend time with him and it adds a few extra footsteps to my daily workout. Our neighbors get a kick out of seeing him, so it's a cool way to meet new people as well.
Samantha has a similar routine with him. She has a membership at the local YMCA in our neighborhood, and goes there to workout at the fitness center four to five times per week. They have a daycare center for young kids within the facility so parents can drop off their kids, go use the amenities, and the kids can hangout for up to ninety minutes. The cool part is the gym has windows that overlook the daycare center so parents can keep an eye on their kids. Samantha's routine includes going to the YMCA in the morning and dropping Aidan off at the daycare center. She works out in the fitness center, picks Aidan up, then they usually go across the street to Crown Valley Park, where Aidan will play on the playground or take a walk on the nature trails within the park. And when I say "take a walk" what I actually mean is he'll run and Samantha will chase after him. She has similar experiences within the YMCA facility. Aidan is energetic and curious, which means he loves to take off running around the YMCA to wherever he damn well pleases. He'll venture into the weight room and try to imitate adults who are lifting weights or doing crunches. In fact, late last year, we bought him a pair of Styrofoam weights so he can "work out" with Daddy in the living room. Last week, Samantha sent me a video of him riding an adult stationary bike at the YMCA. It was pretty awesome to see, but Samantha mentioned the gym supervisor promptly, but politely told him that he needed to dismount. Even though he seemed to have a good grasp on how to ride the bike, it was probably for the best that he not be on there. Suffice to say, Samantha is also adding several footsteps to her daily workout routine by simply being a toddler boy mom.
I'm glad that Aidan is exposed to this kind of lifestyle. I think it's good for him to go to the YMCA with Samantha and see what that part of her life is all about. Even if he's technically not supposed to be in there, I love that he ventures into the weight room and the stationary bike area. It's good for him to understand that this is where Mama goes almost everyday, and it's a super healthy habit. It's great for him to see that his mom takes care of her health. I also think its great for him see me working out in the living room and join in with his Styrofoam weights. He's also used to seeing me in my running gear, he sees my snowboard and boogie board, and all the other stuff I have that fuels my passions. He's always curious and wanting to know what everything is. At this point in his life, his mind is absorbing like a sponge. I think it's good for him to see that Mama and Daddy have their passions and hobbies and they take care of themselves. When I was a little kid I wanted to be around adults who were happy and healthy, who loved what they did, and had cool hobbies and passions. I hope we're providing that for Aidan. We try. This doesn't necessarily mean that I expect Aidan to become a runner, a snowboarder, a boogie boarder, a weight lifter, etc. If he does, that would be awesome, but we would never force anything on him. I just hope that he absorbs this reality around him, he views his parents in a positive way, and it inspires him to be a healthy and happy dude as he grows up. Time will tell.
I'm only three years in and I'm still learning how to navigate this whole parenting thing. I'm by no means an expert. But some advice that I would give to an expectant first time parent, if they asked, would be this. Invest in yourself. Invest in your physical health, your mental health, and don't give up on your hobbies, your passions, or your goals and dreams. It might sound hard or even impossible when so much of your time is devoted to taking care of a kid. It's challenging, but it's not impossible. If we don't take care of our physical and mental health and we throw away our passions and dreams, what's left? We would be miserable, and I don't think anyone wants their kid to grow up around that. When parents invest in their physical health, mental health, and their passions, it's not selfish. It's setting a positive example for their kids. It's showing them the difference between going through the motions and really living life. It's giving kids an exciting life instead of a boring one. In my opinion, happy parents are better parents than miserable parents. The more positivity kids absorb, the better of a shot they have at success.
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